Finally!

You know, the great advancement in men's rings has been the inner contour. If you do not know about this grand invention I'm guessing you've never been married. It's a nice little bevel on the inside edge of the ring that improves it's comfort. My wedding ring had this, wherever that thing went to...

Mankind has been beveling things for ages, but only recently have we begun to bevel rings in an effort to make the lives of men the world over such a gentler experience.

I have owned, for probably 6 or 7 years, a ring, which has been the reverse of this comfort contour. It is a rounded dome shaped exterior, with a flat inner surface. This results in an edge on the ring which points directly at the finger. It is quite sharp and rather *un*comfortable. I cannot tell you exactly why I bought the damn thing in the first place. It also had a design cut into the top that looked vaguely like some sort of celtic batman symbol.

This ring has done nothing more that turn my finger green, snag my jeans or anything else it would come in contact with, stab my finger with that silly carved out design that is a copy of nothing that exists in the world, and generally cause trouble wherever it would go. Nevermind that everyone who saw it would coo over it, telling me how cool it looked.

Looked.

I hated that little bastard.

Well, as luck would have it, I was in a hurry to put on my rings this past Saturday as I was about to go onstage, and wouldn't you know it, as I pulled all five rings of mine out of my pocket, there goes one of them spinning across the floor, behind some ladders and assorted debris, under a rickety wooden step and off into some magical land I cannot enter.

Of course you know the ring I'm talking about is that pointy edged little fuck I've been toting around like a dumbass for half a decade.

For a second I thought to myself, oh shit, I lost one of my rings. And as I resigned myself that it was just gone and to accept the situation, I realized it was the most hated of my rings. I suddenly understood this was a good thing, something that should have happened a very long time ago.

Goodbye you little fucker. I hope nobody finds you.