Rust.

Seriously.

Okay, so what the hell has happened to Los Angeles? Daylight Savings Time has paid us a visit. Come and gone. All Souls has raised the dead and left them to rot in the past. And for the last several days, *everyone* in Los Angeles is driving like an old lady.

To be fair, many of them are, in fact, old ladies, but this isn't the point. Los Angeles has plenty of drivers to be sure, but what I've encountered is boggling my brain. They are driving slow. Real slow. Like 20 mph in 35 or 40 mph zones.

Anyone who has driven in Los Angeles knows that traffic is retarded, there's a hojillion drivers on the road every second second of the day, and gridlock can be had as readily as oxygen is acquired simply by expanding one's lungs.

Well, that explains why they drive slow, right? First off, what should be in the previous paragraph but isn't because I've already passed into this paragraph, is that, when given *any* opportunity, drivers here will stand on it.

God, I love that phrase, and I had no notion I'd use it here in this post. "Stand on it." Brilliant.

So here you have a fair understanding of Los Angeles traffic. Too many drivers who all want to go fast, right now. I'm sure you understand that this equation produces assholes. Let me explain.

((too many drivers)^2 * speed) / time = assholes

You see that science can predict what happens in large industrialized areas without futuristic public transportation. But that isn't the point. What science *cannot* predict, is the random periods of time when LA drivers drive ridiculously slow. As I stated five paragraphs ago, drivers having been driving at an unusually slow speed recently.

What you might expect to explain this is the aforementioned gridlock, however, I have observed no unusual increase in the volume of traffic. In fact, in one example I can give, there were four cars ahead of me traveling 10 mph under the posted speed limit. These four cars occupied up to a quarter mile. A QUARTER MILE. FOUR CARS. There is obviously plenty of space for four cars in a quarter mile to attain a speed matching a moderate amount of speed, up to and including 35 mph. But this isn't happening. Allow science to explain.

((too many drivers)^2) * (traffic volume + gridlock) / time = assholes * WTF?

The conundrum is that for inexplicable reasons people are driving too slow to get anywhere in a reasonable amount of time.

And the result is that I am pissed off. I have places to go. You see, I too, am a LA driver. So get out of my Goddamn way. Now.



The point to all of this is, I haven't written a blog in nearly three weeks. I wasn't sure I'd remember how.