for the love of...

My machine choked up it's hard drive a couple weeks ago. I'm pissed. Not the kind of pissed that accompanies anger. No, not the kind of pissed that boils the blood and tightens the heart, and creates some kind of furious arm waving and spasming. No, this is the kind of pissed that is the slow cumulation of molten matter, stripping the layers of quiet cold from the surface melting it down into a churning mass of white hot bubbling oil. Except not black oil. White hot oil, colored white, like it's white because it's so bright. And it's not oil. It's more like magma. It's a metaphor, like the Earth's molten core and volcano's erupting and shit. Forget it.

So I bought a hard drive. It had the incorrect connectors. Although my machine has a hard drive controller that WILL control that hard drive it physically can't connect to the drive. Because of a five dollar ribbon cable smaller than your index finger, which would be harder to procure than the drive itself. You see where I'm coming from? All that molten shit? Shit.

Okay, now here we go. I sent the drive back. That drive came from California, which is where I live. So I got it in a timely fashion (one day). And returned it in a timely fashion (one day). It took me a week to get my refund check. After I got that I ordered the same drive with *different* connectors. Fun. Now *this* drive has to come from Tennessee. Yes. Half way across the country. So a drive that originally arrived in ONE day, has turned into a month long ordeal.

In the mean time, my machine is running on an old drive I had laying about, and is crippled with a shitty hack install of windows, riddled with viruses and spyware (mostly from myspace... so if you have bad shit running about on your machine... you know where you got it) because I just don't give a damn about this install, because it's going to get hosed as soon as I get my REAL drive. Because this drive doesn't matter to me. YOU HEAR THAT, DRIVE ?!?! I'm writing this blog on that drive RIGHT NOW. EAT IT!

Actually, that's not fair. This drive is my saving grace. Without it I wouldn't even have life support right now. This machine would be a cold dark husk on which the best I could hope for would be to set a cold drink upon. Or perhaps rest a book on. Or maybe a potted plant. I could prop open a door with it. Or clock a home intruder upon his or her noggin with it, the thing weighs 14 pounds after all (it's a laptop if you can believe that).

My point is, while I can blog and watch pop-ups pop up all over my display, I can't do anything useful. I can't access my array and all my art or my photos. I can't edit anything or access my FTP or my web page. I just can't do anything because there is nothing on this machine that can do anything.

I can check my email. (and google just died, the whole damn google, and took my gmail with it... *sigh* )

To be fair, that is something. Or it was...

But you know... I'm not starving. My ribs aren't showing from malnutrition. I still have both my legs, and a good job. And you know what? I'm really fucking happy right now. I'm a bit belligerent at this particular moment, because... well, it's been a good day, but there's been a few things that got on my nerves so I'm a bit bunchy, but all in all.... I am blessed I think. Or I'm the closest to it I've been in....

....


...a long time. A very long time...